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Wednesday, March 23, 2005 

Envy: Canada

It appears the some Canadians envy the gold 'ol USA so much they feel that they need to drag us down a bit. Too bad they suck...

Alarming News does a reasonable job of answering this back-bacon poisoned brain, but my vote goes to Ace for comedy value.

Here are my answers:

1) How come so many of your citizens thought that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11?

This may be true, just as it may be true that all Canadians are funny and employable as entertainers in the US. My best guess is that Americans see that the Global War on Terror is, well you know, Global.
2) How come so many of your citizens know so little about other places? I’ve met a lot of Americans and only three of them knew that Ottawa was the capital of Canada, and most of them had college degrees.

You found 3 out of a sample of "a lot"... That's amazing considering nobody cares where the capital of Canada is. I mean, does anyone care where the capital of Canada is? Even Canadians? What is the capital of Wisconsin? or Outer Mongolia? Who cares?
3) How come so many of your citizens know nothing about the history of US foreign and covert policy? Why aren’t they taught about American involvement in places like El Salvador, Chile, Colombia, Guatemala, Iraq, Iran, and a very long list of other places around the world?

We know more about that than you think, we just know that some things are best left unsaid.... Really, do you have a point here? Do you even know the meaning of the word covert? Being the world's policeman is sometimes a dirty job, but Canadians aren't going to do it.
4) How come most of your citizens supported the invasion of Iraq? Is it because they didn’t have all the facts or because they just wanted to see someone pay for 9/11 and were open to suggestions?

Maybe because we had all the facts and still saw that it was the right thing to do. But I suppose that thought never crossed the donut hole you call a brain, eh?
5) After the world found out that there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and President Bush announced that he was calling off the search for them, why didn’t your citizens demand that President Bush be impeached? After all, they tried to impeach Bill Clinton for lying about getting a blow job – and no one was even killed because of that.

Nice, really nice... One President did something that is clearly wrong (lied under oath and pressured other witnesses to do the same) and one did something that was right in many ways, based on bad intelligence. Bad intelligence is something you should be very familiar with.
6) How come some Americans think these sorts of questions are bad?

We don't think they are bad, just hilarious and cute. Sort of like the questions that a 3 year old asks their parents about stuff like where baby ducks come from or why the sky is blue.
7) How come your citizens don’t care that the CIA and the Department of Defense don’t have to disclose information to them, even though the Constitution says that they do?

It does? Really? dam, you got me there... I am joining the ANSWER crowd right away.
8) You make more weapons than anyone else in the world. How come America?

We like shiney and boomy things. Besides we feel a sort of obligation to protect our northern neighbors from the dangers of the real world. They have a child-like belief in the basic decentcy of humankind.
9) How come it’s legal to own an assault rifle but two men or two women can’t get married?

[burrrrrrrrup] Whaaaaaa? What they hell do those 2 things have in common?
For the record, it is really hard to get an assault rifle, no matter what the 2nd amendment says, and really easy to find a judge to "marry" two men or two women.
10) Why do you spend more money on defense than education and healthcare?

We are good at defense, well better than we are at social services at the Federal level. The Constitution you seem to be so fond of specificly spells out a role for the feds in the defense of the homeland, where it does not specificly give the feds a role in education and healthcare. Look up the 10th amendment.

It seems our free market system has done well enough to provide education and healthcare, I mean why else would Canadians flock to the US when they are really sick or they want a really good education?

UPDATE: Take THIS and shove it where the sun don't shine (most anywhere in Canada).

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